Blue Shield (who happens to be my health insurance provider....lucky them huh?) has registered their domain name as www.mylifepath.com Tonight, as I am preparing myself for the big day tomorrow....my FINAL chemotherapy treatment...I am reflecting on exactly that - My Life's Path.
Tomorrow is a BIG day! Stacey, my dear friend and recent business partner accompanied me to my 7th treatment (John had an issue come up at work, so he joined me later....) and will tomorrow too. As we were discussing tomorrow, the logistics and how exciting it will be, I told her that I don't think the reality of the "day" has hit me yet...I've been on chemotherapy for 16 weeks and it ends tomorrow?
Now what?
Yes, I will have radiation. 25 sessions, which broken down into 5 weeks/5 days a week (I do not mean to imply that you do not know your multiplication tables, but people tend to be shocked to find out that I have to go, every day for 5 weeks) - I will gladly take it... anything other than being stuck with a few needles and pumped full of toxic medications, sign me up! Sorry, I am rambling.
Enough of the physical and medical issues. What is going to be My Life's Path? God, what do you have planned for me? Do I even dare to ask?
During this time I have relied a lot upon the wonderful people around me, my faith, and my music....NONE of them have let me down. One of the many songs which always inspires me is called "Beautiful." I wish I was technically savvy enough to figure out how to play it on this blog. For now, I will have to post a couple of lines. It keeps me going during my rough days.
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
I am not thinking of physical beauty, but inner beauty - specifically, "I WAS meant for so much more than all of this." The pain, hurt and fear.
I don't have a plan, I am not going to be the same person I was. How could I be? I am going to accept each day as a wonderful gift given to me, and try to spend it wisely...with my amazing husband, my darling girls, my wonderful family, my dear friends and more in my faith. I am already experiencing a shift in my priorities, I am sure that there are more to come.
Thank you for listening. I hope to keep writing and updating you on my progress thru radiation...
P.S. Happy Birthday Daddy (November 8th), this will definitely be a memorable birthday for you and for me...I love you.
