Stop the clock please...

After spending 4 fun filled days in San Diego with my hubby and girls....I am back at home, facing the impending reality of treatment and for the first time I am scared.

I knew that this trip would be bitter sweet...enjoying the moments, the laughs and some tears along the way.  Trying not to feel like this is the "last time" I will do this, or the "last time" I will do that.  But the reality is that it will be the "last time" I will be myself for awhile.  I savored every moment, every meal, every ice cream scoop.  I had lost 10 pounds since being diagnosed, and my Oncologist said no dietary restrictions....so I went for it!

This coming week is filled with lots of errands to do.  I will need to purchase the kiddies school supplies, uniforms, shoes and socks.  It will be a nice distraction.

I know that I am not alone, I have Faith, as well as lots of family and friends praying for me...please continue to pray for me -- specifically "peace."  That I will not be anxious or nervous of what is about to happen to me and my body.

There have been millions of women before me who have fought this fight, and have prevailed...as will I.

Wigs, Scarves and MUGA's...oh my!

These last couple of days, i've been busy acquiring different options to cover my potential glistening head.  Even though they say it may not happen until the 14th day after treatment, I want to be prepared.  Don't count on me cutting my hair in stages, making it shorter....I'm an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl.  


With the help of my fashionista's (Heidi and Hollie) yesterday, I purchased a few fabulous wigs.  Today, Heidi re-grouped for another venture out with my mom and I to find a couple of beautiful scarves and stylish hats.


The shopping endorphins quickly left my body, as I had to prepare for my MUGA scan later this afternoon.  I had to look it up on the internet for the technical definition:
"The MUGA scan is a "noninvasive test that produces a moving image of the heart." 


I wonder if what they mean by "noninvasive" is the needle that still gets stuck into your arm and the plastic catheter which remains in its place?  O'well, at least they gave me a piece of  pretty purple bandage tape, so I did not have to look at the medical appendage hanging from my arm.  We (John and I) waited for the blood they collected, to be marked with radio active material - and it was re-injected into my blood stream.  I then had to lie down with this huge machine hovering over me for 20 mins - which was essentially taking a movie of my heart muscle.  It actually was very peaceful...I wonder if they will burn me a DVD?


All in all, it was easy - and just one more test along the road before the actual treatment begins.


Thank you for all your sweet emails, notes, texts and prayers...they keep me going on days like these, where there is still much to be done.


Just so you know - I have each and every card sent to me....I have them taped to the front and back of our bedroom door.  If I am feeling a low point, I just go over to my door and look at all of your well wishes, they make me smile and give me strength.

T - 3 weeks....

Well, its on the books...Monday, August 2nd I will be receiving my first chemotherapy treatment.  My mom, John and I met with the nurse to discuss the potential side effects.  You know, the nausea, the hair loss and other fun things.  I received the "tour" of the facility, which John was nice enough to point out that I was the youngest in there, by probably 30 years or so (thanks honey).  He was right, I was thinking the exact same thing.


It is very nice and comfortable setting.  Reclining chairs, personal tv's, headphones and a big ol' nurses station right smack in the middle.  Is it weird that I am already planning my outfit?


John caught me tonight putting a scarf on my head, I was trying to envision what I will look like without hair...you know what, I think I will still look pretty darn good.  I'm going to get a new big pair of sunglasses, a couple of scarves, a wig (maybe 2) and rock what i've got.


I've been blessed with the presence of two cancer babes.  Noelle and Chyrissee, you are my angels...I cannot thank you enough for all the love and support you have given me.  You are further along in your journey, and I am so thankful to have both of you around me - always focusing on the positive and making it all manageable.

Bringing you up to date...

I've been thinking about how best to bring you up to date.  Most of you have already read this information, but to others this is new.

The day of my diagnosis, June 11th, I sent this:

Dear Friends,

If you are receiving this email, it is because I consider you special to me.  I am not trying to exclude anyone and right now, I am just trying to remember everyone I care about (and who's emails I have) who would want to know.

I wanted to let you know that today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer (what a way to start the summer,huh)? The good news is that I caught it early and i'm very optimistic about my treatment.

Here's the lowdown....

Felt a lump maybe a few weeks ago, was checked out by 1 doc this past Monday, called my OB for a second check got into her office the next am (a wonderful friend helped get me in when office did not have any openings for 12+ days), OB had a mammo and ultrasound scheduled for that afternoon (Tuesday) preliminary results indicated I needed a core needle biopsy to determine cell tissue. OB again got me in for am appt on Wednesday for biopsy. Thursday spent the day with my kids relaxing at the pool. Today, Friday was advised by my OB that the results of the needle biopsy were cancer.

As you can tell this has all happened very quickly, and I  am so thankful for such a wonderful OB doctor and staff.  She has been pulling strings, calling in favors to help me get my treatment expedited quickly....i tell you the waiting is a killer!

I am meeting with a surgical oncologist on Monday morning (again because my wonderful OB doctor), to determine my treatment plan. I have a ton of other testing to do, but trying to remain positive.

I am going thru a wave of emotions - highs and lows, faith and fear.  Please forgive me for letting you know by email, but I am emotionally drained and wanted to get this information out quickly.  The only thing I ask of you is to please keep me and my family in your prayers. My life is in God's hands and I know it will all be ok. Please do me a favor, shield my kiddies (or your kiddies ears from hearing) as they are too young to understand everything right now, and we are also getting more information each day. 

As I was provided more information, I sent out this update on June 18th:

Dear Friends,

What a difference a week makes.  Thank you all so much for your well wishes, notes and phone calls to check on me.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends and I love all of you.  I am sorry if I have not been able to respond to each of you, but educating myself on the issue and talking to doctors about treatment has been time consuming.

Here is where I am at:

Monday met with an amazing Surgical Oncologist (honestly the best in the field), he presented me with several options to think about. Not only to treat the cancer now, but to give me the best chance for the future.  I would be lying if I didn't say that it rocked my world.  After being talked off the cliff by my wonderful OB, I am taking it one treatment at a time and not getting too far ahead of myself. Some of the Pathology reports came back from the biopsy, one test indicates the aggressiveness - it was moderate.  The scale is low, moderate and high/aggressive.  I would have loved to be low, but I'll take moderate too.  Other reports all came back favorable.  I would tell you what they were, but I really don't understand their significance right now....but it was nice to know that they were "favorable." 

With that being said, I am excited to say that my surgery has been scheduled for Thursday, June 24th at Sutter General Hospital....Can you believe it, only a week away!!  My Surgical Oncologist told me it could take up to 6 weeks from diagnosis to treatment/surgery for a person, especially when you are coordinating 2 doctors and a facility.....for me it has been less than 2 weeks!  I believe that God only gives us what we can handle, and he knew that 2 weeks was my max!!  I am so thankful for his hand in all this.

The surgery is going to be extreme, but I have the best possible team (OB, Surgical Oncologist, Reconstructive Surgeon) and I am at peace with my decision. Its a long road ahead, but we are ready.  

As you know, I have the most amazing husband ever.  John has been here with me from the very beginning, attending every single doctor appointment. Asking questions and taking notes.  We talk constantly about any miniscule thing I may have found out.  He has been so patient with me, understanding the pressure that I am feeling and I could not ask for a better husband to be at my side during all this.  This is not just about me, its about him too - he is as nervous as I am, but we both have faith.  

I don't know how often I will be able to update you, as I think I will be down for a time....but know that I really appreciate your continued prayers for me and my family.  If you wanted to pray for something specific, I took a genetic test BRCA - please pray that it is negative.  Also, when they get in there for my surgery, I want my lymph nodes to be negative.  This greatly impacts my future treatment. 

Thank you again for being my friends.

Finally, on July 2nd, I sent this final email update:

Hello Friends,

Once again, I come to you with an update on my status.  I am estatic to report, I am officially on my way to being a  "Breast Cancer Survivor."  

Last Thursday, June 24th I had my surgery, a double mastectomy with the beginnings of reconstruction.  All I can say is "ouch."  I am on pain meds about every 4 hours, and plan to stay on them for another couple weeks ---  and will them start the weaning process with less narcotic ones.  Unfortunately, the Surgeon did see that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes.  The sentinal (sp?) node tested positive during surgery, and the surgeon decided to take an additional sampling section of 16 nodes.  I received the Pathology report yesterday and I am happy to say that ONLY 2 out of the 16 were positive!!!  This is huge, and the report that we were waiting for.  The cancer is GONE, the tumor, the lymph nodes effected....all removed and GONE!  

In addition to the Pathology Report, I realized that I did not mention the BRCA test....it came back NEGATIVE!!  As my mom said "Yea!  God!"  To know that my little girls are not genetically pre-disposed to this situation, is the most re-assuring news for any mother to hear.  They are going to lead healthy normal lives without anything genetic passed down the line.

My friends, I don't know how to even say this with enough emphasis....But I am so thankful for each and everyone of you!!  From the offering to help with my families dinner, to sending well wishes by way of cards, flowers, texts and emails....you have truly blessed me with your kindness.  I know for a fact, there is NO way I could make it thru this ordeal without the love and support of each and everyone of you, my family and God.  God has given me peace (and yes, I am human to have the doubts and fears) each and every day.  John and I keep saying to each other.....Faith or Fear....we whole heartedly decided on Faith and God has pulled us through.

I need to say a special thank you to MY mom, John and my amazing sitter, Catherine.  My mom has been my "Nurse Nightingale", changing my drains, bathing me, feeding me, with John and I from day 1....I would need another email just telling you what she has done for me.  My amazing husband John, I can not imagine going thru this with anyone else.  My strength, my love, my friend and my partner in Faith.  My sitter Catherine, she has taken my little ones under her wing (like she always does), but even more so in the past few weeks.  Knowing that my children and comfortable and safe, has allowed me to rest and know that they are where they need to be with swim, tennis, tutoring and all the normal stuff I cannot do right now.  (Note: She is NOT available for you....don't even try to contact her :)  

There is still a lot to do... I have a PET/CT today - and anticipating totally normal results and I meet with my oncologist next Thursday, the 8th.  I will be doing some sort of chemo, drug, oral therapies in the coming weeks/months -- and I know it is a long road ahead.  But I am ready to "Fight Like A Girl" and beat this ugly thing head on!  You will undoubtedly see some physical changes happening to me, but please don't feel bad for me -- I welcome it, knowing that I am ridding myself of every little microscopic speck of cancer --- to live the longest and healthiest life that I can.

As always, please continue to keep us in your prayers - its not over yet and you have been keeping me strong and positive.  As I said before, God has a plan for me and my life...and there are lots of more great times to come.

Thank you again for everything....

This past Thursday, July 8th, John and I met with my Medical Oncologist (one of the best, of course).  After meeting with her for over 2 hours, my future treatment plan was presented, discussed and sent home with us for think about.  The "rock" that I try to be, crumbled into a hundred tiny pieces.  I know it is what I have to do...for me, for my family.

Here is my post probable outcome:

8 sessions of Chemotherapy, a combination of 3 drugs (2 in the first 4 sessions, and 1 in the last 4 sessions) which will be spread out over the course of 16 weeks --- so 1 time every 2 weeks, presuming that I remain healthy (which I will!!).  Our plan is to begin treatment the first week of August.

Once Chemotherapy is complete, 6 weeks of radiation will follow.  1 time, 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  It will probably take me more time to get dressed and undressed than the actual procedure. The reason for the radiation is because the tumor was close to the deep margin, providing treatment to the area where it once was, coupled with the Chemo gives it the ol' 1, 2 PUNCH!

Finally, I understand that I will have some sort of hormone therapy...probably 5 years of a pill (hey, that's a no brainer!)...this could begin with radiation or afterwards...not quite sure.

So, now that you know what I know, I can update you without you feeling like you missed some information along the way.

My mantra, my mission, my outlook is focused "Faith or Fear....I choose Faith!" 

Wow! I actually did it!

Today I decided to take my communication to the next level...to become a blogger.  Why blogging over Facebook you ask?  I enjoy peeking in on my "friends," for the latest and greatest information going on in their lives, however, for some reason I feel like this method is more personal.  I have "friends" and acquaintances on Facebook, but the information I am sharing with you is personal.  With that being said, please use your discretion in forwarding on my blog to people who know me, care about me and will be praying for me...its a long road ahead, and I am ready.

I will be updating as often as I can, when new information is available....I will also try to recap and bring you up to date.

Thanks for your continued prayer, love and support.