12 down....But who's counting?

I am!  12 down and 13 to go....Yea!  I am officially half way thru radiation!  


You already know the process - nothing much has changed with the exception that I see my radiation oncologist weekly for any skin changes on the area receiving radiation.  I am starting to have a little skin reaction, totally normal, which just stings a bit.


Today, however, I smelled something funny during the last 30 seconds of my last blast.  I explained it to the techs, and they described it as "ozone" and patients do mention the smell from time to time.  


I did some research and it could be caused from the Linear Accelerator. This fancy machine delivers the high powered x-rays to the area where my tumor once was and destroys any remaining bad cells.  The total session lasts about 1 1/2 - 2 mins and moves into 4 maybe 5 different positions.  Apparently, the Linear Accelerator can make this stinky smell as it is blasting me...not sure if it is a reaction from my skin?  I'll have to report back next week to see if the smell continues.


Sleepy?  Yes, I am tired.  To be honest I don't know if it is from the radiation or the holidays?


Our Christmas festivities were filled fun.  We kicked off the week with a great family dinner --- where we connected with John's cousins, aunts and cute babies just added to the family. On Christmas Eve, we attended mass and then continued the family gathering at a local restaurant (the smartest move we ever did) - no one had to cook!  Christmas morning was just as fun, as people slowly arrived in waves and by the time we sat down to dinner - we had 20 at our house.  Everyone brought something, helped clean and made it very easy.


This year, we partook in the 2nd Annual Peppermint Pig cracking.  The Peppermint Pig was brought to us last year by John's sister and her family - which was introduced to her from her husbands family...follow?


A Pink Peppermint Candy Flavored Pig (about the size of a 4x6 index card) is put into a small red velvet like bag and a little hammer is used to hit the pig, but not before each person takes a turn around the table....each saying a little something for which they are thankful.  The little kids even enjoy participating.  It is a nice way to reflect upon the year.  This year, there was not a dry eye around the table - lots of reflection upon Faith, Family and Love.  It was really a wonderful evening. 


I don't know about you - but we were in our PJ's for most of the next day....I think I finally upgraded to sweats about 2pm!


On to New Years....We plan to be mellow.  We will be ushering in the New Year counting our blessings, and anticipating many more in the coming year.


Love to all...

Groundhog Day

If you have ever seen the movie "Groundhog Day" then you know what I am talking about.  It is probably one of my favorite movies, and just thinking about it makes me chuckle.  This movie is currently my life...well, at least for an hour of my day - everyday, for the next 5 weeks.

In the mid morning hour, I find myself driving down highway 50 to the Sutter Cancer Center where my treatment will take place.  I pull into the valet parking area (thank goodness with all the construction going on down there), give the name of my doctor, take the valet ticket and hop on the elevator down to the lower level.  Scan my identification card, go to the changing area, say "hi" to the gentleman who is sitting there drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper (as he is waiting for his treatment), change into my fabulous Annie & Isabel gown (which I always get compliments on), and lock up my belongings in the locker, yes, the same locker every time.

I head on back to the common area, make a few minutes of small talk with the man drinking his coffee and a voice over the intercom calls me back for treatment.  I think they draw straws to determine who has to call me back, for fear of having to say my last name....now they just call me Alexxa.

As I enter "Treatment Room A", my mold (made special just for me) is waiting for me on the table.  I lay (or is it lie??) back on the table and a huge circular machine (probably the size of an extra large pizza) looms over me. Inside, is the machine which will deliver the radiation to specified location on my chest and armpit.  The machine is carefully set to my tattoos, which looks more like a laser beam running on an "x" and "y" axis and the radiation is almost set to begin.  However, the techs leave the room and a door 2 feet thick slowly closes behind them...and I am not exaggerating on the thickness.  There I am all by myself (and the camera's so the techs can see me) and the procedure begins.  I have tried counting --- but I keep screwing up....I think it is 4-5 different times the machine moves with radiation administered in increments as short as 12 seconds to lasting up to 1 minute.  It is all very fast, and painless --- pretty much like an x-ray.

After I am finished, the techs re-enter the room, I leave the table and head for the dressing room.  Get dressed, put my gown in my bag, say good bye to the gentleman reading the newspaper and still drinking his coffee and head upstairs for the car.  Give the valet my ticket, my car arrives, tip the valet and I am off and running.

All of this usually happens in the course of 1 hour, start to finish.....and repeats Monday thru Friday.

It is pretty un-eventful and I am thankful that I am feeling fine.  They say that the reactions vary from person to person. I am a little bit tired these days, but I truly believe that it is because of the holiday season.  Yes, I am not at home relaxing right now....I've got too much to do, preparing for Christmas with my family.

This Christmas I am reflecting on many many things I am thankful for...but mainly for the baby, who became a man, who died for me.

The ups, the downs and the in between...

The holidayseason is here...the shopping, the stress and I get to add radiation to the mix...how exciting!!

Last friday I had a check up with my oncologist.  My blood work reflected that my immunity is up, white blood cells are rebuilding themselves.  My hair is starting to grow back (slowly) and I am on my way back to being normal again.  Unfortunately, it took a total breakdown in the doctor's office to find this out. My unassuming doctor simply asked, "And how are you feeling Alexxa" and I burst into hysterical tears, the kind where you can't catch your breath. She sweetly told me that I have been running a marathon race for the past 6 months.  From the date of diagnosis, to surgery, to chemo and so on.  My life has been filled with focusing on the next step.  Well now, I have had a lull in my program, a moment to think - and you know what, I don't think that is good for anyone to do.  To "think" and process.  It's not safe I tell you!

I learned that this "normal" will be a "new normal" and it is not going to be like a light switch being flipped.  Well that is very difficult for someone like me to understand, the Type A personality that I have...but I am learning to accept it.

The hormones in my body are at fever pitch...I could be as happy as a clam one minute and ready to snap someone's head off the next.  Wow, I am such a fun person to be around.  The alternative to all this madness is not something I am ready to embrace quite yet, and that is medication.  Don't get me wrong, I do not frown upon this type of help --- it is just that my body has been so full of drugs these past months, I can't see adding anything else to the mix.

Instead, I am trying to establish some sort of routine and organization to my life.  I get up every morning and read my devotional, write in my journal and look forward to starting off the day on a positive note.  The key is waking up early enough where I have enough time to do this, in peace and quiet -- before the kiddos arise.  So far, so good, it is helping. This coupled with working out on my elliptical and walking the dog is also good for the mental state of mind.  I am feeling better inside and out, and I am sure my family is quietly thankful.    

Radiation begins Tuesday....I will keep you posted.

Lastly, I would be lying if I did not say that the recent passing of Elizabeth Edwards, did not impact me.  Like most of us, we did not know her personally and to be honest I remembered that she had been diagnosed years ago, but she was not on my radar until the news broke that she was ill.  Unfortunately the very next day she passed away, which was more of a shock. I know in my heart that my battle is different than hers.  However, living day to day life does not get any easier --- it is a thought that is in the back of my mind trying to take root.  The fear factor wants to take control, and I will not let it win.

In my own little world...

Population:  ME

It's been awhile, I know....I have truly been in my own little world.  I have been sucked back into the never ending scheduling of days, from dawn to dusk.  I am feeling better, but not quite 100% a yet, which was evident during a feeble attempt of mine on the elliptical trainer. I am not even up to WALKING speed yet, without my legs aching in pain and the use of an oxygen tank.  Just kidding, I do not need the oxygen tank...however, it would be nice.  I have not ventured to the gym yet.  A few years ago, we bought an elliptical trainer, which was used for awhile....but you know how that goes.  So there it sat for several months collecting dust.  Now I realize that perhaps there WAS a purpose for buying this torture device.  Since, I do not have the desire to go to the gym --- and I would prefer to workout without my wig on (it gets rather hot), this is actually the perfect alternative especially in the rainy weather.

Before I get too far along, let me back up a few weeks....to my Final Treatment.

My final treatment went well. My best buddy Stacey accompanied me, and John met us there. I am so thankful for my dear friend Stacey - taking me to the infusion center can be an intimidating task. She is always strong, she holds my hand when they are poking me to set up my vein for my meds, and tells me funny stories to distract me from real life.

I was a little too anxious.  I did not feel better as quickly as I thought I would. In MY mind I was "done" and I would instantly feel better, the hair on my head would grow back, and I would begin feeling like my old self again. Well, unfortunately this was not the case. I know I need to be patient... And I am trying.

I was itchy all over from the meds, and at times I was crawling out of my skin.  Did I mention the hot flashes?  Oh yes, they are an added benefit.

The first day of Thanksgiving break started off with a bang....Beginning at 8:00am, I had all 3 kiddos at the emergency vet for the dog (an ultrasound, anti nausea meds, and $750 later she was fine).  From there I met my wonderful sitter at the corner gas station, to pass off the kids to her, minus the dog who was still at the vet.  From there I sped off to my radiation "set up" appointment. I was molded, marked and given tattoos of where the radiation would be be on my body.  After that I had to stop for a quick lab draw to check my white blood count.  It was still pretty low and my immunity is still at risk, so I am washing my hands constantly, spraying the kids down with sanitizer and doing everything I can to stay healthy. Finally I made it home just in time to grab the kids for an orthodontist consultation.  Surprise...Bella needs braces!  Needless to say, she is thrilled and is already picking out the color of her rubber bands.  So that was my Monday...the rest of week was not nearly as exciting, thankfully!

We were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with both of our families out of town, and I got a free pass not to cook!  To many things to list this year to be thankful for, mainly my friends and family who have been so wonderful to me.

Ok, fast forward to today....

Radiation will begin on December 14th, for 5 weeks. The good news is that my scheduled time will be in-between dropping off and picking up the littlest one at preschool.  The bad news is that I will have radiation during the kids Christmas vacation.  My wonderful mom has offered to fill in the gaps when I need her...note, she has moved back home and we miss her dearly!

Radiation is not supposed to be painful, but I have heard that I may become tired and it is cumulative.

Tomorrow I have another follow up appointment with my oncologist, just to check in and see how I am doing now that chemo is done.

I apologize for not updating you more and sooner.  I promise to take the time and let you know how I am doing.  You would probably appreciate only having to read just a paragraph or two, instead of a book!

Thank you for your continued prayers, notes of encouragement and love.  I am almost there --- I could not do any of this without  your love and support.

My Life Path....

Blue Shield (who happens to be my health insurance provider....lucky them huh?) has registered their domain name as www.mylifepath.com  Tonight, as I am preparing myself for the big day tomorrow....my FINAL chemotherapy treatment...I am reflecting on exactly that - My Life's Path.


Tomorrow is a BIG day! Stacey, my dear friend and recent business partner accompanied me to my 7th treatment (John had an issue come up at work, so he joined me later....) and will tomorrow too.  As we were discussing tomorrow, the logistics and how exciting it will be, I told her that I don't think the reality of the "day" has hit me yet...I've been on chemotherapy for 16 weeks and it ends tomorrow?  


Now what?


Yes, I will have radiation.  25 sessions, which broken down into 5 weeks/5 days a week (I do not mean to imply that you do not know your multiplication tables, but people tend to be shocked to find out that I have to go, every day for 5 weeks) - I will gladly take it... anything other than being stuck with a few needles and pumped full of toxic medications, sign me up!  Sorry, I am rambling.  


Enough of the physical and medical issues.  What is going to be My Life's Path?  God, what do you have planned for me?  Do I even dare to ask?


During this time I have relied a lot upon the wonderful people around me, my faith, and my music....NONE of them have let me down.  One of the many songs which always inspires me is called "Beautiful."  I wish I was technically savvy enough to figure out how to play it on this blog.  For now, I will have to post a couple of lines.  It keeps me going during my rough days.


Before you ever took a breath 
Long before the world began 
Of all the wonders He possessed 
There was one more precious 
Of all the earth and skys above 
You're the one He madly loves 
Enough to death 

You're beautiful 
In His eyes 

You're beautiful 
You were meant for so much more than all of this 
You're beautiful 
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His 



I am not thinking of physical beauty, but inner beauty - specifically, "I WAS meant for so much more than all of this." The pain, hurt and fear.


I don't have a plan, I am not going to be the same person I was.  How could I be?  I am going to accept each day as a wonderful gift given to me, and try to spend it wisely...with my amazing husband, my darling girls, my wonderful family, my dear friends and more in my faith.  I am already experiencing a shift in my priorities, I am sure that there are more to come.


Thank you for listening.  I hope to keep writing and updating you on my progress thru radiation...


P.S.  Happy Birthday Daddy (November 8th), this will definitely be a memorable birthday for you and for me...I love you.

PINK...It's a Love/Hate thing..

It's October, and PINK is all around me.  I love pink.  We have 3 adorable girls, so we have a ton of pink in our house.  It has it's own laundry cycle...lights, darks, and pinks.  I like pink lipstick, I have a pink wig, get the picture.


This month, I'm not loving pink as much as I usually do.  With Breast Cancer Awareness month in full swing, I think I might throw up...It's everywhere!


I don't want pink to be a reminder of what I am fighting or fought.  I want pink to be that same color of red mixed with white that I once loved, with no strings attached.  Will I ever get back to my happy place of pink?


I recently shared a story with my friend - this is what happens when you try to Fight the Pink Power:


Yesterday my hubby bought me a new iphone, which was very sweet. I went to get a new case for it, and was decision time. I got rebellious.  I thought to myself, "You know what...I am tired of pink, I am rebelling and getting a different color"...so I went with bright aqua and pink trim (I know, big rebel, huh?). Upon leaving, I realized that I forgot to run to the grocery store and grab some bread for the kids lunches this week. 


Of course, over the loud system at the grocery store -- "In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we have "such and such" girls from "such and such local" school, at the front of the store accepting donations...no amount is too little, and your support is appreciated." I am frozen in the bread aisle.  Shoot!  Now I have to pass them.  I am tired of thinking about breast cancer today, I have a treatment tomorrow, I am tired of pink. I just want to go home and crawl into bed!


As I check out and head towards the exit (and them)...They are so cute, all decked out in pink.  You can tell they put a lot of time into their booth - pink balloons, pink tablecloths, etc. As I approach their booth, I can barely speak. They show me what I can have if I donate $1 (a pin, a tin of mints, a plastic compact and a handmade pink ribbon). I hand them a $20 - which I wish I could run to the ATM and empty out my entire bank account and give them everything I have. They are so excited to receive my donation they want to give me a little bit of everything.  I only want 3 pins, one for each of my girls and 3 of their homemade ribbons.


As I am leaving the store, I am sobbing, I mean the kind of hysterical crying that you need cucumbers to bring down the swelling! I wish I could have said, "Thank you so much for what you are doing today" and "You are helping people like ME, who are fighting to beat this, and for my 3 little girls who I pray every day will never have to deal with this" to those little girls, but I just could not even mutter the words.


Upon arriving home, I sit in the car, in the garage and finish my sobbing....OK, OK, I get it God, I will not fight the pink power.  I will embrace it and acknowledge what it means in my life today.  It is just a color, but to so many others (and me) it means HOPE, FAITH and the PROMISE of tomorrow.


With that, I put on my new pink pajamas and went to bed.

Thank You - Mom & Dad

Sorry for not updating faithful friends.  It has been a busy week. Monday, the 18th I celebrated my 37th birthday.  The few days leading up to the "big day" were bittersweet.  Some tears of happiness, some tears of sadness, some tears just because I felt like it.  

Sometimes I sometimes think to myself...How hard it must be on my parents to have a child who is facing this challenge. How can you ever prepare yourself for something like that?  In the years proceeding up to this diagnosis (basically the day I entered the world on October 18, 1973 to June 11, 2010), my parents have ALWAYS been there for me...But they have even more so in the past four months.

My mom has been living with us 5 days a week since my surgery June 24th. She arrives Sunday night and leaves Friday night.  She cooks, she cleans, she does the laundry, she grocery shops, she tends to the kids if I need help, she helps me make lunches...pretty much ANYTHING I need.  Her big weeks are my treatment weeks, when I could be in bed for a few days.  

My dad too, although he does not stay with us, he has been a rock.  First of all, he has allowed my mom to live with us during this time.  He also stops by and checks in daily to see what we might need.  As most men are, he is in a supervisory role (or at least we let him think so :)), providing emotional stability, lots of encouragement, heavy duty praying, hugs when needed and of course taking out the trash.  Don't worry we feed him a couple times a week too.  There is not a day that goes by, that I don't think about how blessed I am to have my parents with me during this time.

Tonight as I update this diary, I just wanted to say Thank You Mom and Dad for seeing me and my family thru this time.

Thank you for ...

Life

Guidance

Patience

Encouragement

Faith

Love

And for ALWAYS being there.....ALWAYS.

Annie & Isabel --- Thank you for your kind words!

A friend of mine, and her sister (both registered nurses) started a darling company called Annie & Isabel. They make stylish hospital gowns for new mommies, but also have another gown that is near and dear to me....The Elizabeth Gown.

My fellow breast cancer survivor and angel, Noelle gave me "The Elizabeth Gown"days before I was to have my surgery.

I wanted to give them a testimonial on how this gown, really did help me on a day when I was so frightened.  I hope I was able to do it justice.  Here it is for your reading pleasure:

http://annieandisabelblog.blogspot.com/2010/10/story-of-alexxa-breast-cancer-survivor.html


Thank you Anna again for all your prayers, love and support.

Late details on the final set of treatments...

Almost two weeks ago, I embarked on my second set of treatments.  There will be a total of four - so as of now, I only have three more to go!

The day itself was an emotional one.  I am the girl who walks in the treatment center with my arms loaded full of stuff...magazines, snacks, cozy blankets and smiles.  This particular day, I was full of tears.  It was the fear of the unknown that was getting me this time.  How was my body going to react to this new drug? Was my inflamed vein, still sensitive to the touch going to be a problem?  How long was this going to take?  I just wanted to be at home, safe in my bed.

After the usual drawing of blood for labs, I continued upstairs to meet with my doctor.  She always puts me at ease, even though she is very matter-a-fact, she is kind and sensitive and makes me feel better.  After a thorough exam, its official, the vein that was hurting me is no longer able to be used.  The last treatment of the "hard stuff" damaged the inside of the vein wall.  It's still irritated but it will heal, in time, and may not be until after I am done with the final three.  We all agree together, I am in the home stretch...and thankful that I have other veins to chose from. There is no need to implement a port or other device....whew!

After my appointment, John and I head down to the treatment area....its backlogged for at least an hour.  We decide to go grab some lunch at a local spot.  It's one of the few times I have been in public without my wig, and only wearing a scarf.  I forget how strange it feels to have people look at me, with question in their eyes.  When I am in my wig, they don't pay attention to me the same way.

We head back and the room is still packed.  We nab the only seat available.  It's comfortable at first...then fast forward 4 hours later.  The treatment chair next to me has changed over two times....in that time I have learned more details than I care to know about two different families. I know about jobs, finances, family issues, the list goes on.  I think each person receiving treatment had 4 people with them...it was non stop.  It's an awkward situation at best, wanting to yell "BE QUIET" at the top of your lungs....however,  I refrain and determine that next time I am bringing ear phones.

I arrived home almost eight hours later, a little queasy and exhausted but happy to see my girls and my parents.  I eat my traditional dinner of top ramen, say my prayers and head off to bed.

Thankfully the next morning (day 2) feels more like day 7 of the prior treatments.  I take my anti-nausea meds, get up eat breakfast and feel human again.  The rest of the week only got better.  I was careful not to push it, resting when I needed to, and ventured out for a few errands by Thursday.  Needless to say, it was a good week.

I am gearing up again for another Monday, unfortunately I have a cold which slowly showed itself beginning Tuesday this week.  I am treating all the symptoms with humidifiers, vicks vapo rub, liquids and lots of rest.  I need to be healthy by Monday or they will not allow me to receive my treatment.  Which I am NOT going to miss.

Today is the day...

Today I begin my second set of 4 sessions.  This drug is "supposed" to be more manageable.  I am praying that it is.  I won't know for a couple of days, so I will have to keep you posted.

I am still doing well.  Tired and big dark circles under my eyes.  I have not been as diligent on the "resting part" as I should be.  I like to do what I can, when I can.  As I told you before, treatments weeks tend to be rough -- but my non treatment weeks are a treat.

Its kind of funny, because I tend to see quite a few people out and about on my non treatment weeks.  I wonder if they think I am faking it?  They are always so sweet and tell me how great I look, and that they would not be able to tell, if they did not know me - what I am going thru.  I am usually at the grocery store, at the kids soccer practice, driving the kids to school or at the craft store.  Nothing too crazy, and usually all after 11 am, which is when my body slowly begins to function.

I am not trying to be the "perfect mom" or "perfect wife" - I am just not usually not use to being down for long periods of time.  I relish my non treatment weeks to get things done...pretty soon they will ALL be non treatment weeks --- I can hardly wait.

Also, one last thing to update you on...

Before my last session, John and I were on our way down from the doctor to the infusion center.  They give you your file to hand to the infusion nurses, which gives them instructions on what pre-meds you will have, etc.  I decided to open it up and read it.  Hey, its MY file right?  So anyway, I opened up the file and began reading the recap of the prior office visit :

"Alexxa ______, female, age 37, stage IIIa breast cancer...."

Wait a min -- did I see stage 3?  That MUST be a typo, someone put an extra roman numeral in there?  Do you love my optimism?  I nonchalantly hand the file to the nurse and mention the typo and go on my way.  Later that week, Thursday, I was having a bit of arm pain from the infusion on Monday, so I called my dr's office and leave a message for my oncologists nurse.  The arm pain, and oh yea, the TYPO in my file.

I receive the return phone call - and the dr. wants to see my arm, and no that was not a typo in your file. What?????  Stage 3?????  I loose my noodle.  I don't have stage 3?  I have stage 2?  I liked stage 2, it was so far away from 3 and 4!

Unfortunately, I had to go pick up my kids at school - I was sobbing all the way to get them, and could not get a hold of John at the moment. So I unloaded my story on two dear friends in the carpool parking lot.  I am a mess!  My two dear friends beautifully talked me off the ledge and reassured me that I would be all-right.  The doctor got it all...its GONE they told me...they were right.  It was just something that took me so by surprise.  Here is where my motto of "Faith or Fear" came into play again.

I connected with John, he went into "Google" action - you all know what that means...googling the heck out of something until we find the information we need, or at least we feel satisfied with.

John reassured me that:

1.  It's GONE, the amazing surgeon got it all --- we know that....the pathology reports prove it!
2.  I am doing what I need to do to beat this thing, and I will (chemo, radiation, drug therapy).
3.  It's ONLY a number....so what it WAS stage 3 --- its a number that goes in my file for tracking purposes.
3.  FAITH or FEAR --- I can't let this thing take me with FEAR....I have FAITH in God that this will all be OK.

I returned home and fortunately, my parents were both here to console me too.

My wise daddy assured me of all the things that John told me, and hugged me until I was alright, which was awhile.

With all that being said, I am OK.  It is ONLY a number, it is completely GONE.

Each day it is a battle, facing my fear and fighting it with faith.

Wooah, we're half way there!

Livin' on a prayer...who knew that a Bon Jovi Song would be my theme song right now?  But I am half way there, and thanks to you and all your prayers -- I think, rather I know I am going to make it.

Last week was not any easier, which I had hoped it would be.  Physically I had a bit of pain at the injection site, which the vein became irritated and sensitive to the touch.  It seems whenever I have physical pain, emotional pain is quick to follow.  If I don't feel good, it just brings me down.  

Another reason why I am locked up during treatment weeks....I become a complete idiot!  I cannot remember close friends names, kids names, simple things that used to be second nature to me.  I've always been someone who remembers names and faces. It's the good ol' chemo brain...and I hope its reversible.

I am on to my "good week."  The kiddos keep it real for me by occasionally bickering which is followed by time outs, privileges taken away and family chats. All without my wig on!  It is amazing to me how they are unfazed by some of this.  They are so resilient and I am truly blessed by them and my wonderful support system, supporting them.

September 27th begins my second set of four treatments.  It will be a different medication, and hopefully easier than the first four.  But honestly, I don't know what to expect as every body is different.  I have been querying my "angel" Noelle - and she has prepared me as best she can, based on her personal experience.  There will likely be some medication changes, so please pray for me and specifically NO icky side effects.  I know it seems like a silly request, but I truly believe that it is working!

Love to all...

YAWN!

Well the title says it all...YAWN!  The "tiredness" of treatments is catching up with me.  The doctors said it would be cumulative, and has been.  As much as I would love to sleep a few winks during the day, its next to impossible because:  

1. I am not use to taking naps (what mother is??).  
2. My brain during my "off treatment weeks" is constantly thinking of everything that needs to be done while I feel good.
3. I am afraid if I sleep too long, then I won't be able to sleep at night.

It is a vicious cycle!  I need the rest, but have trouble trying to get it!

My actual treatment was uneventful.  Got poked by the lab tech - who I know pretty well.  Attended my doctors appointment beforehand and then headed downstairs to the treatment area.  It was packed, and we ended up with a seat in the corner - no window, but we did discover that snacks exist!  Ah ha, something new!

The nurse who started my iv was a pro, could barely feel it.  It's interesting to both John and I, how each time they mention me considering getting a port.  For those of you unfamiliar, a port is a device surgically implanted into your body (usually in the chest), attached to a main blood vein.  It makes it much easier for the nurses to start your iv, draw labs, etc.  However, I've had mixed reviews from people on the port.  It can clog, get infected...sorry, I'm getting grossed out just explaining it.  Yea, I don't like needles (who does), but NO, I'm not getting a port!  These skinny little arms with good veins are pulling me thru, get used to it.  OK, glad I got that off my chest.  

Overall, side effects were the same as my previous my treatment...which was a plus. I pretty much slept Monday - Wednesday, get up to eat, take meds and use the facilities...like a baby I tell you!  The sleep is not a restful sleep, more like a drug induced knock out..but I will take it versus feeling the nausea. Thursday I tend to feel better but then over do it, so that I feel bad on Friday.

Oh, one other thing I have been sparing the fun details on is reconstruction.  I've been seeing my plastic surgeon regularly, he is the guy that will fix my chest to look somewhat normal again.  This week was rough, because I had a fill.  A "fill" constitutes poking once again another needle into my chest (each side) and filling it with saline solution. Each time it expands my chest wall to make room and allow for my reconstruction surgery, which will happen in about one year from now.  On a scale of 1-10 of pain, it's probably a 9, and I am not kidding.  So this was an added pleasure for this past weeks treatment.  I think I am done with my fills, as I will have radiation afterwards my chemo.  Fills need to be done before radiation begins.

The other side effect to this wonderful process is that I am very emotional. The tears start flowing pretty easily.  I've always been a sensitive person, but it seems more so in recent weeks.  This entire process is much more taxing on me than I originally thought it would be - physically, emotionally, spiritually.

My apologies for taking so long to write, then unloading quite a bit more details than I planned on sharing -- but this is my life right now, and thought you might want to know.

I told a friend recently, I am thankful everyday for everything.  I know that this is all part of God's plan.  He is teaching me so much about "me" -- more than I wanted to know sometimes!!

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers.

T'was the night before treatment...

As I sit here tonight trying to relax....there are a hundred things on my mind tonight, things that must be done before I leave for treatment tomorrow morning.  I have my list of things to finalize, things to discuss with my mom, the kids calendar to be printed with all of their activities and homework to be done, last minute notes for John.  It's like getting ready to go on a trip for a week, but I am not going "anywhere" fun.

I have cherished this week and a half...that's right, the last treatment only had me down for just a few days (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday), it was great.  Although I am not my "old" self - I felt much better and it was a blessing because it was a busy week.  The kids were back to school, there was back to school night, 2 soccer seeding tournaments and finally, a party we purchased at last year's auction.

As I scurried around today, running last minute errands to the grocery store and such.....I could feel a bitterness rising up in me.  It was not pretty. I unfortunately took it out on my husband with some not so loving words, and I am sorry.  The truth is, I am not excited to go back tomorrow.  I've been through it enough to know that I don't like what is coming.

I am digging deep to gear up this time...I told a dear friend tonight as we texted back and forth.  There are my 3 F's getting me thru --- Faith, Family and Friends.  And maybe its appropriate, because it's my 3rd treatment as well.

It's true, I would be lost without all of them/you.

A time to be thankful...

Betcha thought you would not hear someone say they are "happy all the hair on their head is gone" - but you just did.  I know, it's crazy!  My cute GI Jane cut was short lived and is no longer. When the hair began to fall out --- what a mess!  It was also so itchy!  I look more like a new baby chick with little random fuzz sticking out all over my head.  Don't worry, I will NOT be posting any pictures of me.

We got a labradoodle for a reason, I can't stand the dog hair!  Now, instead I was the one leaving the mess of 1/4" hairs all over the place.

But in the midst of all this...I continue to find reasons to be thankful:

1.  I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes (please Lord, let me keep those!!!)
2.  Showering does not take anytime at all...no hair on the legs to shave!
3.  My kiddos and my husband continue to warm my heart by telling me how beautiful I look.
4.  Food still tastes good, and although my appetite has not returned completely - I am able to eat and maintain a healthy weight.
5.  I have the most wonderful family and friends in the world.

I am stealing a phrase a friend told me...

"This is a defining moment, but it will NOT define me and who I am."

Just in case you were curious.....

Here are some pictures....before and afters of John and I getting our hair cut.  Some extra pics of the girls and my new "do's" too.  My favorite is the last one, portrait taken by Gigi.

John & Tori before

John & Tori after

Me & Tori before

Me & Tori after

John and I

Long Hair...a little 80's....

Shorter...more like my original style..

Pink and sassy....oh yea, I will be wearing it!

Biggest one

Middlest one

Littlest one

Just me :)

Treatment #2....check

Its nice to be writing to you with Treatment #2 under my belt!  The process today was a little different in that I had my labs drawn, met with my wonderful oncologist doctor (I call her my chemical warfare specialist) and discussed a few changes in my medications.  Changing the medicines I take for side effects can be a scary thing --- I know how I felt the last time, even though it was pretty crummy --- do we change the meds with the possibility that I could even feel worse?  I took a leap of faith, which I have been doing a lot these days, and decided to make the change.  My treatment was uneventful, except that we had a choice in chairs this time...I let John pick our spot and....lets just say he loses that privilege next time.

I am happy to report, so far so good.  The first night usually is the most difficult.  I was a little groggy, but ate dinner with the fam and drifted off to sleep.  John did a great job of waking me up at the necessary hours to take either med A, med B, or med C, depending on its timing.  I had to double check him sometimes on the meds, he is not the easiest person to wake up....more like a sleep walker!

Mental note for me:  Flash forward 50 years from now, I am going to have to really label everything BIG so that he does not accidentally overdose me!

One last bit of news....This past Sunday, I began losing my hair...not just one or two strands, but pretty good size clumps.  John was coming back from the grocery store and I called him explaining my situation.  I told him that since I did not have any idea how I would feel after treatment on Monday, I wanted to be in control of this situation, and make it a positive one.  We agreed, I called my dear friend Tori, and she was over in a flash --- scissors, trimmers and all.

I was a little emotional when I explained to the girls that my hair had began to fall out.  I let Gigi give a little tug on a piece....and her face lit up like it was Christmas.  I think she would have been happier pulling it all out by herself!  The other girls were a little bit more apprehensive...but we headed to our pool house, watched cartoons and made popcorn.  John went first for moral support :)  He looks great!  Next it was my turn.  We cut off two locks from different areas, to save for future hair coloring purposes (I know, such the planner!!)  Then each of the girls partook in the process, cutting of another sizable lock.  The end look is more GI Jane, which I like :)

It was the peaceful experience I could have hoped for.  The girls knew that I looked different, but I am healthy and in control (well, control is a funny thing....I believe that God is more in control than I am), and I am the same mommy who loves them, hugs them, puts them in time outs :).

Next we had a scarf and wig trying on party.  Each of them tried on my fun wigs, scarves and hats.  They all like something different, go figure - but they have all told me that they love me and gave me the "thumbs up" on everything.

One last little side note and funny....most of you know, my wonderful mom has been staying with us Monday - Friday to help me out whenever I need it.  You name it laundry, feeding the kiddos, grocery shopping or just moral support.  Early on Monday morning, my mom and Gigi crossed paths upstairs...Gigi said "Yaya, when did you get here", Yaya said "Oh, I got here late last night."  Gigi promptly replied "Well, you know Mom's bald" and off she went on her way.  If you know our Gigi she is a matter-a-fact kind of girl, and we love her for it.  No sugar coating it, just it is what it is.....

All of these things, the funnies, my wonderful family and friends, my faith are making this journey something I will never forget....in a good way.

A great week....

After last week, NOT knowing if it was ever going to end....I am happy to report that this past Monday, it was like someone flipped a switch.  I woke up, and began to feel (almost) like my old self again!  Although I did not venture far, or early (I did not manage to get out of the house until 11:00 am), and napped often -- I actually drove my car, ran a few errands and was able to accomplish a few things.  I am amazed at how my life before all this was so hectic and crazy...like most of us, I could have filled up a sheet of paper with "things to do" each day.

Now, I simply do what I can and I am satisfied....This all coming from a person who woke up at 6:00 am and who literally did not sit down until 10:00pm at night, unless it was dinner or lunch.  I know, we are all this way....living our lives, rushing from one thing to the next -- but as this new challenge in my life continues to teach me some valuable life lessons, I hope that I am able to remember these things for the future.

One last shout out to all the fabulous people bringing us dinner throughout the week....I am so grateful for you, it takes a tremendous amount of pressure off of me -- and my family has been eating all of the wonderful items prepared!

My next treatment date is Monday, August 16th --- please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  We have made some minor medication adjustments for side effects of the chemo, praying that it works!

Baby steps....

So, I know I started off by thinking 8, its a perfect number, you can count to it on two hands....only 8 treatments!  Well now, I think perhaps it was a lofty goal for me.  Last week was pretty rough...So now, I am breaking it down by 4 (of the first treatment type...supposed to be a heavy duty regimen) and 4 (of the secondary treatment type).  I know, I know, both are chemotherapy but this past week was so challenging, that I think if I change my mindset and scale it back to only 3 remaining in this treatment plan to go, I can accomplish it.  Does that make sense?

I made it thru last week, and now I know somewhat to expect going forward.  I know that there is an end to the pain, and craziness just a few days following the treatment....it can be scary going thru it for the first time, wondering if you will ever feel normal again.

My mom, dad, John, Cath were at my side, available whenever I needed them (which was quite often). So many wonderful friends, texted, emailed, sent notes, delivered meals --- I am truly blessed.  Thank you for continuing to keep me in your prayers.

I am looking forward to a normal week next week --- nothing to do but rest, be with my family and get my body ready for the next treatment which will take place on Monday, August 16th.

Treatment #1 of 8

Hello Friends,

My hubby informed me that I should be updating my blog so people know what's going on with me.  I said "OK honey, you are right....in between trips to the bathroom, sleeping, taking anti nausea meds and such :)."

All funniness aside, until I know what type of reaction I am going to have to the treatment, it may be a day or two until you hear from me.  If I have too....I can have him update for me.

With that being said, here is how it went....

I had on my new outfit, oh yeah, I hit Nordy's and bought a cute pink tank top, coordinating workout pants and little sweatshirt. As my husband knows, I could be going somewhere (even for just one night)...I am not known for packing "lightly."  So in we walked with our two bags of stuff, insulated cooler with snacks, a canvas duffle with magazines, ipods, headphones, water, hand sanitizer, blanket....you name it I probably had it!

We were directed to my special treatment chair, reserved just for me --- right next to the nurses station. I was hoping for a coveted window chair; however, Christine my nurse said she wanted to keep an eye on me.  There was no weigh in, lab work, just straight to the IV.  She said because I had been there recently -- and they just drew labs, there was no reason to draw them again...OK, I won't argue with that answer, one less needle poking.

She started the initial IV for fluids.  It did not feel horrible, but not great...a little "twingy" and the fluids felt cool.  After the fluids and the pre-med, another type of benedryl to prevent allergic reaction.  It was time for the "Red Devil."  Christine decided to pull the first IV, because the backflow of blood was not as strong as she would have liked to see.  So she re-poked and started another line...much better this time. There was no cooling sensation and now I know that this is how it should feel from the beginning.

The "Red Devil" is the strongest medicine I believe I will be receiving.  Christine administered the med using a large syringe of about 40 cc, slowly over the period of 10 mins.  Next is was time for the second portion of my treatment, which was via drip --- both of these mixed with saline from a separate drip bag.

In total we were only there for about 1 1/2 hours...woohoo!

I was receiving lots of positive texts from friends, family ---- thank you so much.

Upon leaving I confirmed my time to come back the next day for my white blood cell boosting shot, which has to be administered 24 hours upon receiving chemo treatment.  Since the chemo cannot tell the difference between good and bad cells, it conveniently kills everything...thus the white blood cell boosting shot helps my body restore the white blood cells to prevent infection and keep me healthy.

Since we were finished earlier than we though we would be, we called my folks and decided to meet them for lunch. I ordered a hamburger and a cup of soup.  I was starving and on a chemo high (which I've heard about before).  Had a nice lunch and hubby headed back to work, while my mom and dad took me home to rest, I could barely keep my eyes open and decided to nap.

Fast forward to 5pm....not good, the medicines were doing their thing!

Coupled with nausea, trips to the bathroom, a splitting headache and achy, I was a mess.  My mom made me some chicken noodle soup, which was promptly "tossed" into our infamous purple bowl we use for when we are sick and cannot make it to the bathroom....note, never eat out of the purple bowl if you come to my house....just kidding, that one is not in circulation for regular use.

The next five hours were not pretty.  Until about 10pm did I get some relief.  Wonderful hubby got up and made me a plain bowl of oatmeal, which I felt was the only thing I could eat -- along with saltine crackers and ice chips.  I took a Tylenol PM and drifted off to sleep.

Tuesday, I woke up feeling less nausea but wiped out and groggy.  After another cup of oatmeal, more anti nausea meds, I was on my way to feeling better.  Pretty much hung out in bed for most of the day until my appointment to receive my white blood cell boosting shot.  My mom took me down to the treatment center, and I asked the nurse to go really slow...you've already heard of my angel friend Noelle, she gave me the most wonderful advice -- ask them to go very slow.  It worked, a total breeze.  There are side effects from the boosting shoot (of course there are!!)...bone pain, but since my bathroom looks like the inside of a pharmacy, I should be fine.

Grabbed a jamba juice on our way home, and came back to rest for awhile.  Now don't worry friends, I've been eating Top Ramen, fruit, whatever I can stomach.  And drinking lots of water ---upwards of 70-80 ounces a day.

Today is Wednesday, I am feeling much better today...still going to take it easy.  I've got an appointment with the reconstructive surgeon and that's about it.

My next Oncology appointment is not until the 13th...with Treatment #2 scheduled on the 16th.

Thank you again for all your prayers, notes, cards, calls, texts, special songs --- they mean the world to me, and truly help me in my treatment and recovery process.

Love to all....and I promise not to be so lengthy next time!

Tomorrow is the First Day of the rest of my life....

Well, it's almost here...Treatment Day!  Tomorrow, Monday August 2nd at 11am, I will be prepping to receive my first chemotherapy session.  I anticipate being there for 3-4 hours or so.  I am told there is a lot to do...lab work, reviewing my results for blood counts, the "weigh in", pumping me full of fluids and lots of other meds before the actual chemo begins.  My nerves are settled for now, I feel more anticipation of getting to know the routine.

I have a list of inspirational songs to keep me going on my ipod. One of them has a chorus which says:

"This is the first day of the rest of your life, cause even in the dark you can still see the light ---its gonna be all right."

That's exactly how I am feeling right now....Tomorrow, truly is the First Day of the rest of my life and it will be all right.  I continue to tell myself, eight (8) treatments --- that's all it is --- 8!  I can count to the number 8 on two hands.

I know you keep hearing me say this, but I am so thankful for all my family and my friends.  I told you about my (our) bedroom door, I have every single card I have received from day one....they are all here, I thought you might like to see them.  All of your prayers, as well as kind and inspirational words help me keep the faith.

Front of my door

Back of my door

Stop the clock please...

After spending 4 fun filled days in San Diego with my hubby and girls....I am back at home, facing the impending reality of treatment and for the first time I am scared.

I knew that this trip would be bitter sweet...enjoying the moments, the laughs and some tears along the way.  Trying not to feel like this is the "last time" I will do this, or the "last time" I will do that.  But the reality is that it will be the "last time" I will be myself for awhile.  I savored every moment, every meal, every ice cream scoop.  I had lost 10 pounds since being diagnosed, and my Oncologist said no dietary restrictions....so I went for it!

This coming week is filled with lots of errands to do.  I will need to purchase the kiddies school supplies, uniforms, shoes and socks.  It will be a nice distraction.

I know that I am not alone, I have Faith, as well as lots of family and friends praying for me...please continue to pray for me -- specifically "peace."  That I will not be anxious or nervous of what is about to happen to me and my body.

There have been millions of women before me who have fought this fight, and have prevailed...as will I.

Wigs, Scarves and MUGA's...oh my!

These last couple of days, i've been busy acquiring different options to cover my potential glistening head.  Even though they say it may not happen until the 14th day after treatment, I want to be prepared.  Don't count on me cutting my hair in stages, making it shorter....I'm an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl.  


With the help of my fashionista's (Heidi and Hollie) yesterday, I purchased a few fabulous wigs.  Today, Heidi re-grouped for another venture out with my mom and I to find a couple of beautiful scarves and stylish hats.


The shopping endorphins quickly left my body, as I had to prepare for my MUGA scan later this afternoon.  I had to look it up on the internet for the technical definition:
"The MUGA scan is a "noninvasive test that produces a moving image of the heart." 


I wonder if what they mean by "noninvasive" is the needle that still gets stuck into your arm and the plastic catheter which remains in its place?  O'well, at least they gave me a piece of  pretty purple bandage tape, so I did not have to look at the medical appendage hanging from my arm.  We (John and I) waited for the blood they collected, to be marked with radio active material - and it was re-injected into my blood stream.  I then had to lie down with this huge machine hovering over me for 20 mins - which was essentially taking a movie of my heart muscle.  It actually was very peaceful...I wonder if they will burn me a DVD?


All in all, it was easy - and just one more test along the road before the actual treatment begins.


Thank you for all your sweet emails, notes, texts and prayers...they keep me going on days like these, where there is still much to be done.


Just so you know - I have each and every card sent to me....I have them taped to the front and back of our bedroom door.  If I am feeling a low point, I just go over to my door and look at all of your well wishes, they make me smile and give me strength.

T - 3 weeks....

Well, its on the books...Monday, August 2nd I will be receiving my first chemotherapy treatment.  My mom, John and I met with the nurse to discuss the potential side effects.  You know, the nausea, the hair loss and other fun things.  I received the "tour" of the facility, which John was nice enough to point out that I was the youngest in there, by probably 30 years or so (thanks honey).  He was right, I was thinking the exact same thing.


It is very nice and comfortable setting.  Reclining chairs, personal tv's, headphones and a big ol' nurses station right smack in the middle.  Is it weird that I am already planning my outfit?


John caught me tonight putting a scarf on my head, I was trying to envision what I will look like without hair...you know what, I think I will still look pretty darn good.  I'm going to get a new big pair of sunglasses, a couple of scarves, a wig (maybe 2) and rock what i've got.


I've been blessed with the presence of two cancer babes.  Noelle and Chyrissee, you are my angels...I cannot thank you enough for all the love and support you have given me.  You are further along in your journey, and I am so thankful to have both of you around me - always focusing on the positive and making it all manageable.

Bringing you up to date...

I've been thinking about how best to bring you up to date.  Most of you have already read this information, but to others this is new.

The day of my diagnosis, June 11th, I sent this:

Dear Friends,

If you are receiving this email, it is because I consider you special to me.  I am not trying to exclude anyone and right now, I am just trying to remember everyone I care about (and who's emails I have) who would want to know.

I wanted to let you know that today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer (what a way to start the summer,huh)? The good news is that I caught it early and i'm very optimistic about my treatment.

Here's the lowdown....

Felt a lump maybe a few weeks ago, was checked out by 1 doc this past Monday, called my OB for a second check got into her office the next am (a wonderful friend helped get me in when office did not have any openings for 12+ days), OB had a mammo and ultrasound scheduled for that afternoon (Tuesday) preliminary results indicated I needed a core needle biopsy to determine cell tissue. OB again got me in for am appt on Wednesday for biopsy. Thursday spent the day with my kids relaxing at the pool. Today, Friday was advised by my OB that the results of the needle biopsy were cancer.

As you can tell this has all happened very quickly, and I  am so thankful for such a wonderful OB doctor and staff.  She has been pulling strings, calling in favors to help me get my treatment expedited quickly....i tell you the waiting is a killer!

I am meeting with a surgical oncologist on Monday morning (again because my wonderful OB doctor), to determine my treatment plan. I have a ton of other testing to do, but trying to remain positive.

I am going thru a wave of emotions - highs and lows, faith and fear.  Please forgive me for letting you know by email, but I am emotionally drained and wanted to get this information out quickly.  The only thing I ask of you is to please keep me and my family in your prayers. My life is in God's hands and I know it will all be ok. Please do me a favor, shield my kiddies (or your kiddies ears from hearing) as they are too young to understand everything right now, and we are also getting more information each day. 

As I was provided more information, I sent out this update on June 18th:

Dear Friends,

What a difference a week makes.  Thank you all so much for your well wishes, notes and phone calls to check on me.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends and I love all of you.  I am sorry if I have not been able to respond to each of you, but educating myself on the issue and talking to doctors about treatment has been time consuming.

Here is where I am at:

Monday met with an amazing Surgical Oncologist (honestly the best in the field), he presented me with several options to think about. Not only to treat the cancer now, but to give me the best chance for the future.  I would be lying if I didn't say that it rocked my world.  After being talked off the cliff by my wonderful OB, I am taking it one treatment at a time and not getting too far ahead of myself. Some of the Pathology reports came back from the biopsy, one test indicates the aggressiveness - it was moderate.  The scale is low, moderate and high/aggressive.  I would have loved to be low, but I'll take moderate too.  Other reports all came back favorable.  I would tell you what they were, but I really don't understand their significance right now....but it was nice to know that they were "favorable." 

With that being said, I am excited to say that my surgery has been scheduled for Thursday, June 24th at Sutter General Hospital....Can you believe it, only a week away!!  My Surgical Oncologist told me it could take up to 6 weeks from diagnosis to treatment/surgery for a person, especially when you are coordinating 2 doctors and a facility.....for me it has been less than 2 weeks!  I believe that God only gives us what we can handle, and he knew that 2 weeks was my max!!  I am so thankful for his hand in all this.

The surgery is going to be extreme, but I have the best possible team (OB, Surgical Oncologist, Reconstructive Surgeon) and I am at peace with my decision. Its a long road ahead, but we are ready.  

As you know, I have the most amazing husband ever.  John has been here with me from the very beginning, attending every single doctor appointment. Asking questions and taking notes.  We talk constantly about any miniscule thing I may have found out.  He has been so patient with me, understanding the pressure that I am feeling and I could not ask for a better husband to be at my side during all this.  This is not just about me, its about him too - he is as nervous as I am, but we both have faith.  

I don't know how often I will be able to update you, as I think I will be down for a time....but know that I really appreciate your continued prayers for me and my family.  If you wanted to pray for something specific, I took a genetic test BRCA - please pray that it is negative.  Also, when they get in there for my surgery, I want my lymph nodes to be negative.  This greatly impacts my future treatment. 

Thank you again for being my friends.

Finally, on July 2nd, I sent this final email update:

Hello Friends,

Once again, I come to you with an update on my status.  I am estatic to report, I am officially on my way to being a  "Breast Cancer Survivor."  

Last Thursday, June 24th I had my surgery, a double mastectomy with the beginnings of reconstruction.  All I can say is "ouch."  I am on pain meds about every 4 hours, and plan to stay on them for another couple weeks ---  and will them start the weaning process with less narcotic ones.  Unfortunately, the Surgeon did see that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes.  The sentinal (sp?) node tested positive during surgery, and the surgeon decided to take an additional sampling section of 16 nodes.  I received the Pathology report yesterday and I am happy to say that ONLY 2 out of the 16 were positive!!!  This is huge, and the report that we were waiting for.  The cancer is GONE, the tumor, the lymph nodes effected....all removed and GONE!  

In addition to the Pathology Report, I realized that I did not mention the BRCA test....it came back NEGATIVE!!  As my mom said "Yea!  God!"  To know that my little girls are not genetically pre-disposed to this situation, is the most re-assuring news for any mother to hear.  They are going to lead healthy normal lives without anything genetic passed down the line.

My friends, I don't know how to even say this with enough emphasis....But I am so thankful for each and everyone of you!!  From the offering to help with my families dinner, to sending well wishes by way of cards, flowers, texts and emails....you have truly blessed me with your kindness.  I know for a fact, there is NO way I could make it thru this ordeal without the love and support of each and everyone of you, my family and God.  God has given me peace (and yes, I am human to have the doubts and fears) each and every day.  John and I keep saying to each other.....Faith or Fear....we whole heartedly decided on Faith and God has pulled us through.

I need to say a special thank you to MY mom, John and my amazing sitter, Catherine.  My mom has been my "Nurse Nightingale", changing my drains, bathing me, feeding me, with John and I from day 1....I would need another email just telling you what she has done for me.  My amazing husband John, I can not imagine going thru this with anyone else.  My strength, my love, my friend and my partner in Faith.  My sitter Catherine, she has taken my little ones under her wing (like she always does), but even more so in the past few weeks.  Knowing that my children and comfortable and safe, has allowed me to rest and know that they are where they need to be with swim, tennis, tutoring and all the normal stuff I cannot do right now.  (Note: She is NOT available for you....don't even try to contact her :)  

There is still a lot to do... I have a PET/CT today - and anticipating totally normal results and I meet with my oncologist next Thursday, the 8th.  I will be doing some sort of chemo, drug, oral therapies in the coming weeks/months -- and I know it is a long road ahead.  But I am ready to "Fight Like A Girl" and beat this ugly thing head on!  You will undoubtedly see some physical changes happening to me, but please don't feel bad for me -- I welcome it, knowing that I am ridding myself of every little microscopic speck of cancer --- to live the longest and healthiest life that I can.

As always, please continue to keep us in your prayers - its not over yet and you have been keeping me strong and positive.  As I said before, God has a plan for me and my life...and there are lots of more great times to come.

Thank you again for everything....

This past Thursday, July 8th, John and I met with my Medical Oncologist (one of the best, of course).  After meeting with her for over 2 hours, my future treatment plan was presented, discussed and sent home with us for think about.  The "rock" that I try to be, crumbled into a hundred tiny pieces.  I know it is what I have to do...for me, for my family.

Here is my post probable outcome:

8 sessions of Chemotherapy, a combination of 3 drugs (2 in the first 4 sessions, and 1 in the last 4 sessions) which will be spread out over the course of 16 weeks --- so 1 time every 2 weeks, presuming that I remain healthy (which I will!!).  Our plan is to begin treatment the first week of August.

Once Chemotherapy is complete, 6 weeks of radiation will follow.  1 time, 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  It will probably take me more time to get dressed and undressed than the actual procedure. The reason for the radiation is because the tumor was close to the deep margin, providing treatment to the area where it once was, coupled with the Chemo gives it the ol' 1, 2 PUNCH!

Finally, I understand that I will have some sort of hormone therapy...probably 5 years of a pill (hey, that's a no brainer!)...this could begin with radiation or afterwards...not quite sure.

So, now that you know what I know, I can update you without you feeling like you missed some information along the way.

My mantra, my mission, my outlook is focused "Faith or Fear....I choose Faith!"