I am! 12 down and 13 to go....Yea! I am officially half way thru radiation!
You already know the process - nothing much has changed with the exception that I see my radiation oncologist weekly for any skin changes on the area receiving radiation. I am starting to have a little skin reaction, totally normal, which just stings a bit.
Today, however, I smelled something funny during the last 30 seconds of my last blast. I explained it to the techs, and they described it as "ozone" and patients do mention the smell from time to time.
I did some research and it could be caused from the Linear Accelerator. This fancy machine delivers the high powered x-rays to the area where my tumor once was and destroys any remaining bad cells. The total session lasts about 1 1/2 - 2 mins and moves into 4 maybe 5 different positions. Apparently, the Linear Accelerator can make this stinky smell as it is blasting me...not sure if it is a reaction from my skin? I'll have to report back next week to see if the smell continues.
Sleepy? Yes, I am tired. To be honest I don't know if it is from the radiation or the holidays?
Our Christmas festivities were filled fun. We kicked off the week with a great family dinner --- where we connected with John's cousins, aunts and cute babies just added to the family. On Christmas Eve, we attended mass and then continued the family gathering at a local restaurant (the smartest move we ever did) - no one had to cook! Christmas morning was just as fun, as people slowly arrived in waves and by the time we sat down to dinner - we had 20 at our house. Everyone brought something, helped clean and made it very easy.
This year, we partook in the 2nd Annual Peppermint Pig cracking. The Peppermint Pig was brought to us last year by John's sister and her family - which was introduced to her from her husbands family...follow?
A Pink Peppermint Candy Flavored Pig (about the size of a 4x6 index card) is put into a small red velvet like bag and a little hammer is used to hit the pig, but not before each person takes a turn around the table....each saying a little something for which they are thankful. The little kids even enjoy participating. It is a nice way to reflect upon the year. This year, there was not a dry eye around the table - lots of reflection upon Faith, Family and Love. It was really a wonderful evening.
I don't know about you - but we were in our PJ's for most of the next day....I think I finally upgraded to sweats about 2pm!
On to New Years....We plan to be mellow. We will be ushering in the New Year counting our blessings, and anticipating many more in the coming year.
Love to all...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Groundhog Day
If you have ever seen the movie "Groundhog Day" then you know what I am talking about. It is probably one of my favorite movies, and just thinking about it makes me chuckle. This movie is currently my life...well, at least for an hour of my day - everyday, for the next 5 weeks.
In the mid morning hour, I find myself driving down highway 50 to the Sutter Cancer Center where my treatment will take place. I pull into the valet parking area (thank goodness with all the construction going on down there), give the name of my doctor, take the valet ticket and hop on the elevator down to the lower level. Scan my identification card, go to the changing area, say "hi" to the gentleman who is sitting there drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper (as he is waiting for his treatment), change into my fabulous Annie & Isabel gown (which I always get compliments on), and lock up my belongings in the locker, yes, the same locker every time.
I head on back to the common area, make a few minutes of small talk with the man drinking his coffee and a voice over the intercom calls me back for treatment. I think they draw straws to determine who has to call me back, for fear of having to say my last name....now they just call me Alexxa.
As I enter "Treatment Room A", my mold (made special just for me) is waiting for me on the table. I lay (or is it lie??) back on the table and a huge circular machine (probably the size of an extra large pizza) looms over me. Inside, is the machine which will deliver the radiation to specified location on my chest and armpit. The machine is carefully set to my tattoos, which looks more like a laser beam running on an "x" and "y" axis and the radiation is almost set to begin. However, the techs leave the room and a door 2 feet thick slowly closes behind them...and I am not exaggerating on the thickness. There I am all by myself (and the camera's so the techs can see me) and the procedure begins. I have tried counting --- but I keep screwing up....I think it is 4-5 different times the machine moves with radiation administered in increments as short as 12 seconds to lasting up to 1 minute. It is all very fast, and painless --- pretty much like an x-ray.
After I am finished, the techs re-enter the room, I leave the table and head for the dressing room. Get dressed, put my gown in my bag, say good bye to the gentleman reading the newspaper and still drinking his coffee and head upstairs for the car. Give the valet my ticket, my car arrives, tip the valet and I am off and running.
All of this usually happens in the course of 1 hour, start to finish.....and repeats Monday thru Friday.
It is pretty un-eventful and I am thankful that I am feeling fine. They say that the reactions vary from person to person. I am a little bit tired these days, but I truly believe that it is because of the holiday season. Yes, I am not at home relaxing right now....I've got too much to do, preparing for Christmas with my family.
This Christmas I am reflecting on many many things I am thankful for...but mainly for the baby, who became a man, who died for me.
In the mid morning hour, I find myself driving down highway 50 to the Sutter Cancer Center where my treatment will take place. I pull into the valet parking area (thank goodness with all the construction going on down there), give the name of my doctor, take the valet ticket and hop on the elevator down to the lower level. Scan my identification card, go to the changing area, say "hi" to the gentleman who is sitting there drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper (as he is waiting for his treatment), change into my fabulous Annie & Isabel gown (which I always get compliments on), and lock up my belongings in the locker, yes, the same locker every time.
I head on back to the common area, make a few minutes of small talk with the man drinking his coffee and a voice over the intercom calls me back for treatment. I think they draw straws to determine who has to call me back, for fear of having to say my last name....now they just call me Alexxa.
As I enter "Treatment Room A", my mold (made special just for me) is waiting for me on the table. I lay (or is it lie??) back on the table and a huge circular machine (probably the size of an extra large pizza) looms over me. Inside, is the machine which will deliver the radiation to specified location on my chest and armpit. The machine is carefully set to my tattoos, which looks more like a laser beam running on an "x" and "y" axis and the radiation is almost set to begin. However, the techs leave the room and a door 2 feet thick slowly closes behind them...and I am not exaggerating on the thickness. There I am all by myself (and the camera's so the techs can see me) and the procedure begins. I have tried counting --- but I keep screwing up....I think it is 4-5 different times the machine moves with radiation administered in increments as short as 12 seconds to lasting up to 1 minute. It is all very fast, and painless --- pretty much like an x-ray.
After I am finished, the techs re-enter the room, I leave the table and head for the dressing room. Get dressed, put my gown in my bag, say good bye to the gentleman reading the newspaper and still drinking his coffee and head upstairs for the car. Give the valet my ticket, my car arrives, tip the valet and I am off and running.
All of this usually happens in the course of 1 hour, start to finish.....and repeats Monday thru Friday.
It is pretty un-eventful and I am thankful that I am feeling fine. They say that the reactions vary from person to person. I am a little bit tired these days, but I truly believe that it is because of the holiday season. Yes, I am not at home relaxing right now....I've got too much to do, preparing for Christmas with my family.
This Christmas I am reflecting on many many things I am thankful for...but mainly for the baby, who became a man, who died for me.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The ups, the downs and the in between...
The holidayseason is here...the shopping, the stress and I get to add radiation to the mix...how exciting!!
Last friday I had a check up with my oncologist. My blood work reflected that my immunity is up, white blood cells are rebuilding themselves. My hair is starting to grow back (slowly) and I am on my way back to being normal again. Unfortunately, it took a total breakdown in the doctor's office to find this out. My unassuming doctor simply asked, "And how are you feeling Alexxa" and I burst into hysterical tears, the kind where you can't catch your breath. She sweetly told me that I have been running a marathon race for the past 6 months. From the date of diagnosis, to surgery, to chemo and so on. My life has been filled with focusing on the next step. Well now, I have had a lull in my program, a moment to think - and you know what, I don't think that is good for anyone to do. To "think" and process. It's not safe I tell you!
I learned that this "normal" will be a "new normal" and it is not going to be like a light switch being flipped. Well that is very difficult for someone like me to understand, the Type A personality that I have...but I am learning to accept it.
The hormones in my body are at fever pitch...I could be as happy as a clam one minute and ready to snap someone's head off the next. Wow, I am such a fun person to be around. The alternative to all this madness is not something I am ready to embrace quite yet, and that is medication. Don't get me wrong, I do not frown upon this type of help --- it is just that my body has been so full of drugs these past months, I can't see adding anything else to the mix.
Instead, I am trying to establish some sort of routine and organization to my life. I get up every morning and read my devotional, write in my journal and look forward to starting off the day on a positive note. The key is waking up early enough where I have enough time to do this, in peace and quiet -- before the kiddos arise. So far, so good, it is helping. This coupled with working out on my elliptical and walking the dog is also good for the mental state of mind. I am feeling better inside and out, and I am sure my family is quietly thankful.
Radiation begins Tuesday....I will keep you posted.
I learned that this "normal" will be a "new normal" and it is not going to be like a light switch being flipped. Well that is very difficult for someone like me to understand, the Type A personality that I have...but I am learning to accept it.
The hormones in my body are at fever pitch...I could be as happy as a clam one minute and ready to snap someone's head off the next. Wow, I am such a fun person to be around. The alternative to all this madness is not something I am ready to embrace quite yet, and that is medication. Don't get me wrong, I do not frown upon this type of help --- it is just that my body has been so full of drugs these past months, I can't see adding anything else to the mix.
Instead, I am trying to establish some sort of routine and organization to my life. I get up every morning and read my devotional, write in my journal and look forward to starting off the day on a positive note. The key is waking up early enough where I have enough time to do this, in peace and quiet -- before the kiddos arise. So far, so good, it is helping. This coupled with working out on my elliptical and walking the dog is also good for the mental state of mind. I am feeling better inside and out, and I am sure my family is quietly thankful.
Radiation begins Tuesday....I will keep you posted.
Lastly, I would be lying if I did not say that the recent passing of Elizabeth Edwards, did not impact me. Like most of us, we did not know her personally and to be honest I remembered that she had been diagnosed years ago, but she was not on my radar until the news broke that she was ill. Unfortunately the very next day she passed away, which was more of a shock. I know in my heart that my battle is different than hers. However, living day to day life does not get any easier --- it is a thought that is in the back of my mind trying to take root. The fear factor wants to take control, and I will not let it win.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
In my own little world...
Population: ME
It's been awhile, I know....I have truly been in my own little world. I have been sucked back into the never ending scheduling of days, from dawn to dusk. I am feeling better, but not quite 100% a yet, which was evident during a feeble attempt of mine on the elliptical trainer. I am not even up to WALKING speed yet, without my legs aching in pain and the use of an oxygen tank. Just kidding, I do not need the oxygen tank...however, it would be nice. I have not ventured to the gym yet. A few years ago, we bought an elliptical trainer, which was used for awhile....but you know how that goes. So there it sat for several months collecting dust. Now I realize that perhaps there WAS a purpose for buying this torture device. Since, I do not have the desire to go to the gym --- and I would prefer to workout without my wig on (it gets rather hot), this is actually the perfect alternative especially in the rainy weather.
Before I get too far along, let me back up a few weeks....to my Final Treatment.
My final treatment went well. My best buddy Stacey accompanied me, and John met us there. I am so thankful for my dear friend Stacey - taking me to the infusion center can be an intimidating task. She is always strong, she holds my hand when they are poking me to set up my vein for my meds, and tells me funny stories to distract me from real life.
I was a little too anxious. I did not feel better as quickly as I thought I would. In MY mind I was "done" and I would instantly feel better, the hair on my head would grow back, and I would begin feeling like my old self again. Well, unfortunately this was not the case. I know I need to be patient... And I am trying.
I was itchy all over from the meds, and at times I was crawling out of my skin. Did I mention the hot flashes? Oh yes, they are an added benefit.
The first day of Thanksgiving break started off with a bang....Beginning at 8:00am, I had all 3 kiddos at the emergency vet for the dog (an ultrasound, anti nausea meds, and $750 later she was fine). From there I met my wonderful sitter at the corner gas station, to pass off the kids to her, minus the dog who was still at the vet. From there I sped off to my radiation "set up" appointment. I was molded, marked and given tattoos of where the radiation would be be on my body. After that I had to stop for a quick lab draw to check my white blood count. It was still pretty low and my immunity is still at risk, so I am washing my hands constantly, spraying the kids down with sanitizer and doing everything I can to stay healthy. Finally I made it home just in time to grab the kids for an orthodontist consultation. Surprise...Bella needs braces! Needless to say, she is thrilled and is already picking out the color of her rubber bands. So that was my Monday...the rest of week was not nearly as exciting, thankfully!
We were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with both of our families out of town, and I got a free pass not to cook! To many things to list this year to be thankful for, mainly my friends and family who have been so wonderful to me.
Ok, fast forward to today....
Radiation will begin on December 14th, for 5 weeks. The good news is that my scheduled time will be in-between dropping off and picking up the littlest one at preschool. The bad news is that I will have radiation during the kids Christmas vacation. My wonderful mom has offered to fill in the gaps when I need her...note, she has moved back home and we miss her dearly!
Radiation is not supposed to be painful, but I have heard that I may become tired and it is cumulative.
Tomorrow I have another follow up appointment with my oncologist, just to check in and see how I am doing now that chemo is done.
I apologize for not updating you more and sooner. I promise to take the time and let you know how I am doing. You would probably appreciate only having to read just a paragraph or two, instead of a book!
Thank you for your continued prayers, notes of encouragement and love. I am almost there --- I could not do any of this without your love and support.
It's been awhile, I know....I have truly been in my own little world. I have been sucked back into the never ending scheduling of days, from dawn to dusk. I am feeling better, but not quite 100% a yet, which was evident during a feeble attempt of mine on the elliptical trainer. I am not even up to WALKING speed yet, without my legs aching in pain and the use of an oxygen tank. Just kidding, I do not need the oxygen tank...however, it would be nice. I have not ventured to the gym yet. A few years ago, we bought an elliptical trainer, which was used for awhile....but you know how that goes. So there it sat for several months collecting dust. Now I realize that perhaps there WAS a purpose for buying this torture device. Since, I do not have the desire to go to the gym --- and I would prefer to workout without my wig on (it gets rather hot), this is actually the perfect alternative especially in the rainy weather.
Before I get too far along, let me back up a few weeks....to my Final Treatment.
My final treatment went well. My best buddy Stacey accompanied me, and John met us there. I am so thankful for my dear friend Stacey - taking me to the infusion center can be an intimidating task. She is always strong, she holds my hand when they are poking me to set up my vein for my meds, and tells me funny stories to distract me from real life.
I was a little too anxious. I did not feel better as quickly as I thought I would. In MY mind I was "done" and I would instantly feel better, the hair on my head would grow back, and I would begin feeling like my old self again. Well, unfortunately this was not the case. I know I need to be patient... And I am trying.
I was itchy all over from the meds, and at times I was crawling out of my skin. Did I mention the hot flashes? Oh yes, they are an added benefit.
The first day of Thanksgiving break started off with a bang....Beginning at 8:00am, I had all 3 kiddos at the emergency vet for the dog (an ultrasound, anti nausea meds, and $750 later she was fine). From there I met my wonderful sitter at the corner gas station, to pass off the kids to her, minus the dog who was still at the vet. From there I sped off to my radiation "set up" appointment. I was molded, marked and given tattoos of where the radiation would be be on my body. After that I had to stop for a quick lab draw to check my white blood count. It was still pretty low and my immunity is still at risk, so I am washing my hands constantly, spraying the kids down with sanitizer and doing everything I can to stay healthy. Finally I made it home just in time to grab the kids for an orthodontist consultation. Surprise...Bella needs braces! Needless to say, she is thrilled and is already picking out the color of her rubber bands. So that was my Monday...the rest of week was not nearly as exciting, thankfully!
We were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with both of our families out of town, and I got a free pass not to cook! To many things to list this year to be thankful for, mainly my friends and family who have been so wonderful to me.
Ok, fast forward to today....
Radiation will begin on December 14th, for 5 weeks. The good news is that my scheduled time will be in-between dropping off and picking up the littlest one at preschool. The bad news is that I will have radiation during the kids Christmas vacation. My wonderful mom has offered to fill in the gaps when I need her...note, she has moved back home and we miss her dearly!
Radiation is not supposed to be painful, but I have heard that I may become tired and it is cumulative.
Tomorrow I have another follow up appointment with my oncologist, just to check in and see how I am doing now that chemo is done.
I apologize for not updating you more and sooner. I promise to take the time and let you know how I am doing. You would probably appreciate only having to read just a paragraph or two, instead of a book!
Thank you for your continued prayers, notes of encouragement and love. I am almost there --- I could not do any of this without your love and support.
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